The saying goes, “You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else,” or something along those lines. You get the picture. Basically, society is telling us that we must fix ourselves before we are capable of being loved. And I succumbed to this idea for so long. I didn’t truly believe I was allowed to be happy in a relationship unless I was free of mental illness.
Now, am I saying anybody and everybody should be in a relationship? Absolutely not. As a matter of fact, I just recently got out of a relationship because I wasn’t giving myself the time I needed by myself when I was with this person. However, if you can manage personal time for self-care while still being in a relationship, more power to ya!
So why am I saying that we don’t have to love ourselves before we are involved with someone else, yet we still have to be cautious of our motives? Well, you see we can’t just expect someone to give us the confidence we are lacking. Why you ask? Well, first of all someday there’s a chance that person won’t be there and you will be left lonely and afraid with even less confidence than you started with. Also, relying on someone else to boost us up leaves us dependent on another person for all aspects of our life. This is your life, not theirs. This way of life will leave you enmeshed and co-dependent.
So, to wrap up I suggest you reflect on where you are in life and see if you’re just holding back because you’ve basically been told you need to be perfect before getting in a relationship, or if you historically depend on your partner and really need to work on being comfortable with being alone (alone, not meaning forever).
Either way, I suggest you check out some of my tips to provide self-care for yourself this Valentine’s Day:
- Create something: I, of course, am biased to cards, so why not treat those around you to Valentine’s cards?
- Journal: reflect on where you stand in your current relationship or as a single person. Are you ready to date? Are you too enmeshed with your current partner? How have past relationships affected your view on how you’d like your next relationship to go?
- Read a self-help book: Honestly, I feel that these are the only types of books worth reading. Obviously, there are great books out there for pleasure, but you know what I mean. I’m currently reading Mindset by Carol S. Dweck. By reading it I feel like a super powerful woman, as do most self-help books tend to make me feel. Check out my Goodreads account by clicking on the sidebar to see what I’m currently reading!
As always, you can check out the card featured in this post, and many more, right on my Etsy site here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/refinedresilience