As a child, I was a competitive figure skater. In college, I played hockey to fulfill my love for the ice. As a woman in her late twenties, I have found my way back to skating.
I did some research and saw that a local figure skating club offered adult ice skating lessons. Well, let me tell you how thrilled I was to sign up.
Tonight, my first night of lessons, however, was a different story. I got ready really early: wore my favorite skating outfit, packed my water bottle and blender bottle, etc. Then I realized I had about another half hour before I had to leave. The doubt and self-deprecating thoughts soon began to set in.
“You’re gonna be the fattest one there.”
“No one is going to take you seriously.”
“You’re going to be wasting their time.”
As I sat with these thoughts and feelings of anxiety and self-loathing, a panic attack began to arise. I started becoming detached from the present and got stuck inside my head. I texted my best friend telling her what was going on and she told me she was glad I was going tonight. That helped immensely because it reminded me that my mind tells me one thing, but what I should actually be doing is another story.
So I gather my things and head out the door, still feeling quite anxious. I get in the car and start driving and realize the roads are really bad. I didn’t receive an email skating was canceled so I kept driving, because I realized once I get there everything will be fine and if I went back home I would have to deal with another panic attack over this next week. I drive a little further and realize it actually isn’t safe to drive, so I call my mom to get validation that it’s ok to go back home because I didn’t just want to give in to my anxiety and use the snow as an excuse.
So, while the snow ended up canceling my plans to start skating lessons, I did combat my fear and anxiety this evening. Anxiety is powerful, but I am stronger.
As always, you can check out the card featured in this post, and many more, right on my Etsy site here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/refinedresilience